sweet avenue

feeling better today. baby steps.

today is the two year anniversary of the day tommy and i met. yay! the first time i ever laid eyes on his face, white snake's "here i go again" was playing ( compliments of "songs of erin and oksana" ). and from that moment forward it has been bliss. even seeing skinny puppy (blech!) the next day was strangely exciting! i only went because i couldn't wait to hang out with him again. and he knew it too. but i didn't care.

note: my puppy is the cutest puppy ever. right now he's lying on the couch with his head up resting on the armrest with his little floppy ears back, snoring to his little sweet heart's content! such a sweet lazy pup! i love him. seriously, people - i think i have a crush on my puppy. i find it hard to stop hugging him sometimes. oh if you could just see his little nose and pink flushed "cheeks" you would melt too.

sigh.
so tonight i'm going to tommy's and we're seeing Borat. i am trés excited - heard it got pretty great reviews. that's actually something i don't pay much attention to usually. i'm not bothered by other people's opinnions really... except people i actually like... which is tapering to a dwindling few lately. but movie critics and the like, they are just bullshit people with bullshit jobs. i'd always rather just find out for myself if i will like something.
rant.
maybe tonight i'll burn the new Owen from tom. mostly everything of his sounds the same to me but in a good way. mike kinsella in one of the few artists i can stand that trait from.

well. i'm gonna get back to uploading all my music for the ipod i've had for a whole year and STILL haven't filled.
great
ok bye

bound to earth

today has been a pretty weird day.
tiring, long and just all around disappointing.
not everyday can be perfect. not every day can even be good. but i would like a scattered few to not reek of pointlessness.

just before my quarter centaurion birthday i was feeling pretty worthless, irritated, trapped, stagnant and just plain hairy (and i don't mean follicles). i hated approaching a pretty monumentous year feeling like a loser. 25 and showing nothing for myself except a BFA in something i don't even know if i want anymore. something so shallow and superficial it makes my spine crawl. *yeah that's fashion. and though i was feeling better after october 21st (thanks to an awesome party my baby threw for me - first surprise ever!) i am downwardly spiraling again.

right now i'm listening to old mix cds and i'm feeling sad about old times when shit was easy. when i felt worth it all. when i knew what i wanted, how to get it and i did. fuck. where did that time go? how did i lose it?
to those times, i quote a song:
"if you ever change your mind about leaving me behind, baby bring it to me, bring your sweet loving, bring it on home to me."
i'm not ranting about feeling old. dood fuck that. that's not the point. yeah ok, so i'm getting veins. lines under my eyes. all that shit. it's not the years in numbers. 25 or 80. it's what you have for, and in, yourself and it's just not feeling like that much right about now. i've got my family, tommy and my puppy.
and besides everything, i'm a loser.

everything is hard. everyone is stupid. and i'm angry. well, don't i sound like a prize?

i should eat something. maybe that will make me less cranky.
then i'll go take a bubble bath. soak and stare at my toes and other slowly ageing useless bodyparts.